WARNING!
I had a bad, unglamourous weekend,
involving a certain big, blue store. Things will be back to normal tomorrow. Promise.
Also, the post attached has NOTHING to do with my wonderful, loving sweetheart, Kurt. Who I am lucky to have in my life.
If Ikea was an ex-boyfriend, here's who he would be.
Ikea would be the big, "Teddy Bear" guy who gives really great hugs, and made you feel really safe and secure at first; but, the longer you spend with him, the more clear it becomes that his personal grooming is wanting and even though his doughy, wide-eyed face looks like he cares what you have on your mind, he's not really listening to anything you say, ever. Often, he wows you by planning things for the two of you to do together, and then flakes out at the last minute, leaving you hanging. This weekend, he has asked you to go camping.
Just before you are about to leave; your mom calls. Among other things, she tries to tell you discreetly that she thinks he eats too fast. And she thinks this is a bad sign.
You: "But, Mom....We have plans to go camping this weekend! Ikea loves to camp!...We're doing stuff!!...It sounds fun!! Ok, I know he's not the most *together* guy in lots of ways, but, at least he has original ideas!!"
Mom: "Honey, I know. And it's great that he likes to plan things. But you might be better off with someone who follows through a little more often. I mean, remember the time he told you he would build you that adult-sized treehouse, but ended up giving you a shoebox and a yard of twine? It's just...I don't want to make you mad at me, and I know it's not really my business. But, honey, he thinks he's smarter than he is, and he definitely thinks he's smarter than you are.
You: "Look, I know. He's not intellectual. I know. I am probably the smarter one. Oh, but he cooks!! He makes these really salty, spongey meatballs and Lingenberry juice."
Mom: "sigh...Honey, it's your call. I just felt like I ought to say something. I just worry that you'll get disappointed over the long run. I guess I just need to let you be a grown up. You are a sensible girl, and you can make up your own mind. Of course you can...What's a Lingenberry?"
You and Ikea end up moving in together. Unfortunately, things quickly lose their lustre. You break up after wasting a year and a half of your life watching as Ikea stops working out, showers less and less, and forgets to give you a birthday present. You wish he would understand why you broke up with him; but you know he never will.
